FHM Magazine online has put out one helluva guide. A guide to some of the most sexiest lingerie one can hope for. If you can’t tell the difference between a teddy and a corset, or just need an idea of what to get your lady, FHM guides you through the sexy world of lingerie. We men love to ogle, but almost every one of us don't know the first thing about lingerie. FHM’s Lingerie Expert and Stylist Toni Ferrera breaks down each piece and tells you why your lady will love them, and more importantly, why you’ll go berserk when she seduces you in the bedroom with nothing but the lingerie you bought for her.
When the photoshoot was at the Parker desert oasis resort, a popular celebrity retreat, you can expect every page to ramp up the sexiness. See the lingerie, Meet the girls wearing the lingerie and Tour the Parker desert oasis resort. The girls are ridiculously hot, but the lingerie on these girls' heavenly bodies take the sexiness quotient to a whole new level. I found myself unable to get through FHM's lingerie guide without losing my mind, fantasizing about my girlfriend wearing these sexy pieces of clothing when I get her something from this guide. Whoohoo!
(Queer)ies The Blog is an expanded version of (Queer)ies The Column, which appears every Saturday in the Zeitgeist magazine section of the New Indian Express. If you have a question on gender, sexuality, relationships, or sexual health, you can e-mail Padma Govindan at indianqueeries@gmail.com. The column is very good, do pop in a visit. Recently, I posed a question on the column, and I got a reply which turned out to be very good advice.
My Question
The thing is, I am currently in an open relationship right now, the friends with benefits kind, and I and my partner find it immensely satisfying. We are best friends, she and I, the quintessential "Call up at 4am" kind. We understand each other very well, more than any others in our lives, including our parents, friends etc. Essentially, we turn to each other for anything we need, physically and emotionally. I thank the fates everyday for bringing this wonderful, beautiful woman into my life. We gel so well, people often comment that we are exact duplicates of each other, albeit of opposing sexes. We love each other, but not in the traditional sense, rather in a 'best buds' kind of way. We enjoy our intimacy and our mutual desire for one another burns so much that it sometimes frightens me. We both have a very healthy sex drive and do not limit ourselves to one another, we are always on the lookout for sex outside our relationship. Its all well and good, we have a nice, cozy arrangement in place.
Friends with benefits (FWB) or "hookup buddies" are friends who hook up with each other but don't have an "official" relationship.
Hooking up can include just kissing, outercourse, or even sexual intercourse. According my “friend with benefits”, Sandhya* 25, "FWB is perfect. You don't have a Boyfriend or Girlfriend griping for attention and you don't feel like you owe anyone anything." You just have sex
whenever both of you feel like doing it. Of course, its not for everyone and the arrangement doesn’t last very long, but for the select few who can handle it, this kind of relationship can be immensely satisfying.
Imagine, all the benefits......and absolutely none of the pitfalls.
My problem is, recently her parents found out about this arrangement of ours, on account of a family friend (hers) who had no business poking their nose into our affairs. While her parents are fairly liberal and free thinking, even in matters of love and sex, they have expressed strong misgivings about the kind of relationship their daughter and I have. Me? I don't give a damn, really about what anyone thinks of my personal life. But my partner is very close to her parents and wants them to approve of our relationship. She has convinced her parents to have a sit-down with both of us, together, and talk things over. Guess they want to make sure I don't hurt their 'little girl' in any way. I can see that, but I am terribly flustered at the thought of discussing our 'relationship' with them. I've never met them before and quite frankly, I don't know what I can say to them.
The girl is no help here, she finds my fidgeting to be rather funny, but I know that she too, is anxious that her parents like me enough to approve our relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of having a civil conversation, but the fact is, I am naturally emotionally flat when I speak to people. My partner doesn't mind this, she is one of the very few people who have learned to adjust with me, but I am concerned as to what her parents will think. Her parents live in hyderabad, they are coming down to chennai in a couple of weeks to meet with us. Any suggestions as to how I should go about this? I am a big fan of the "Be yourself", but I'm not entirely sure being "myself" is such a good idea here.
Ms.Padma answered...
I have to say, it’s rare for me to get letters where it truly seems like everyone involved has the best of intentions and is approaching the situation with maturity and grace. You and your partner seem to have a lot of mutual respect and her parents also appear to be willing to at least try to understand their daughter’s relationship decisions. When everyone is coming to the table as caring adults and not hysterical, judgmental harpies, then I think it’s safe to say that half the battle has already been won. Way to go, letter-writer.
That being said, you and your partner both have to acknowledge the limits of what reasonable discussion accomplish. It’s very clear from your letter that the two of you have a healthy and trusting relationship and that you figured out how to the non-exclusivity thing really well. However, it’s also natural for people who care about you both to be concerned—open relationships are not the most common romantic arrangement, and realizing that your child has a loving, romantic partnership that isn’t sexually exclusive can be a very disconcerting thing.
I think your partner should have this pow-wow with her parents alone. As it is, they’re going to feel discombobulated and wrong-footed about the whole thing discussion, and it’s best not to add to their confusion by asking them to meet the man behind the myth before they’ve even had a chance to digest the particular ins-and-outs (so to speak) of your relationship. Also, these are her parents, not yours, and if she cares so much about their approval then she needs to take responsibility for seeing that she has it. I would also advise you two to be patient and not get your expectations too high; this kind of disclosure can take a long time to settle in, and her parents are not going to be accepting and happy-go-lucky about this after just one sit-down. Getting them to accept and approve of your relationship is going to require a whole series of conversations, and the more easygoing you both are about this, the more likely it is that the ‘rents feel reassured. I highly recommend checking out the message boards at the website Opening Up for more advice on handling families as part of an open relationship. (Opening Up is a support and resource website for people in non-monogamous relationships, run by sex columnist, writer, and sex education Tristan Taormino.)
On a final note, you mentioned that your partner’s parents found out about your relationship through nosy family friends? Do you mind my asking how exactly the family friends got in the loop? The only reason why I’m wondering is because it’s just possible your partner told them about it. If that’s the case, then I suggest have an honest conversation with her about how you’re both feeling about the non-monogamous nature of your relationship. If indeed your partner did tell them, it’s entirely possible that your she was seeking their approval or their advice, and that she might not be feeling as positive about your relationship as you do. I don’t at all doubt the sincerity of your regard for her, but it’s a good idea to make sure you’re both on the same page before moving forward. Good luck, you crazy cut-ups!
My quick follow-up...
Answering to your question, the nosy person who told her parents about us was her mother’s best friend. The woman stumbled upon our relationship, literally, when she walked in on us when we were engaging in her apartment. I guess its our fault that we were so caught up to lock the front door. Anyhoo, it turns out that the woman had some misgivings with my girl because she refused to marry her son. I guess thats why she told her parents.
All’s well that ends well, eh?Things turned out for the better after all.
The first meeting with the parents was a complete disaster. They did not like me at all, her father almost sicced his dog on me. The only reason I agreed to meet them again was she resorted to sexual blackmail (no sex if you don’t agree with the woman). No fair!
But I’m glad she got me to talk to them again. It took a lot of meetings, lunches and dinners to warm them to me a little. Surprisingly, her father has become friendly to me and has given his approval, he also doesn’t turn his dog loose one me anymore, heh! Her mother still maintains some disapproval. At least she treats me with some courtesy, even if it is somewhat icy, for the sake of her daughter. But I’m not worried, I’m positive that she too will soon approve of me.
My partner is the one most happy with the turn of events and she expresses it too….very enthusiastically.
