You know, I am not the kind of person one should come to for relationship advice. Relationships require a lot of patience and understanding, and definitely a lot of holding back. To make things worse, in Indian, particularly the very conservative Tamil Iyer community, committing to a serious relationship can sometimes, actually feel like hell. Now, I'm not blaming all the Tamil Iyers, only some of its people.
A month back, Anand (name is changed), a close friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me, he said he wanted my opinion on something. I don't like to tell people what to do, but Opinions? I have a lot of those to go around. We met up at one of those cafe`s where you can get cups of overpriced-not-anything-really-special coffees and sat down to exchange the usual pleasantries. After a couple of how are yous, and whats up with yous, he told me he wanted some advice. Now, Anand is a decent man with a good job, wonderful family and a really beautiful girlfriend. He is a confident, self-assured person who enjoys life and doesn't take it too seriously. Thats when I realised the only thing he would want my advice was - Oh Shit! Woman Trouble!
As I said before, Anand has a really great, beautiful girlfriend and they have been together for at least a year now. I personally know the girl, she is really good looking, very friendly, and she adores him a lot. And they both seemed very happy with each other. You ask then what the hell is the problem?
The problem is, Sex. They haven't had sex with each other since they have been together, and I know as a matter of fact that the girl hasn't had sex, ever. Yeah, she still maintains a death grip on her virginity.
The thing about Anand is, he is a pretty normal guy who wants sex just like any healthy person does. And he figures, since he and his girlfriend have been together for a whole year, he is entitled to have sex with her, with her consent, of course! The problem is, the girl is a bit narrow minded about sex, what am I talking about? The girl is very narrow minded about sex, she is somewhat a prude and she has made it clear to him that she doesn't want to lose her 'virginity' before marriage. What the hell?
You might say that you have to respect the girl's wishes, its her choice whether to engage in sex or not and that no one has any right to comment on it. I would agree, but for the fact that the girl isn't alone, she is in a serious, committed relationship with a good, healthy male who has had a very active sex life before she came into his life. She says she'll engage in sex only after marriage, she is rock firm on that, and Anand says he is not ready for marriage, he wants to secure his finances somewhat before even thinking about marriage, and that may take a couple of years. He tells me he can't take it anymore, he can't deny himself and be celibate for another two or three years. And now he asks me whether he should be in this relationship anymore.
Oh Shit....What do I say now?
I am of the belief that sex is a natural function of life, if you want to have sex, and you have a willing partner, then by all means, just do it already. And I definitely think that when it come to sex, you shouldn't deny yourself, you just go at it as often as your libido wants it.
Coming back to Anand's predicament. Now, I know him very well, if he is in a relationship, he commits to it a 100%. He wouldn't stray out of it, he wouldn't cheat his partner, no matter the circumstances. But he likes sex too, he craves for the physical intimacy that sex provides. So when he asked me whether he should continue his relationship with this girl who he really likes, but who wouldn't give him what he feels he deserves, what do you think I said?
I told him if I were in his situation, I would give her an ultimatum. I would ask her, in no uncertain terms, to either break her stance on her totally unreasonable, not to say, really idiotic decision of 'No Sex before Marriage' or break off the relationship. And I told him it wouldn't be bad on his part if he breaks it off on account of this reason.
I ran into Anand again, last saturday, at a friend's party and I am pleased to say he introduced me to his new girlfriend, great catch I must say. He looked happy, he looked satisfied.
yours truly, The RA
