*Names have been changed.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about Lavanya*, a friend of mine who stayed true to her sexuality, an act of great courage in hypocritical Chennai. If you cared to read the story, you would have known that she and her lover Aparna* walked out of their parents' homes and started to live together. What is even more gallant about them is that both women belong to the so called "Higher Caste", you know, the Brahmin Community. They haven't gotten married or anything, as the law here does not recognize same sex marriage, but they are living together, as lovers, happily.

I already have great admiration for these two beautiful, courageous women, but what cemented my eternal respect for them is the common sense shown and how they responded to the threats they received from their respective families; money-wise and physical threats as well. Lavanya and Aparna didn't come out of the closet until they finished their college and settled into well paying jobs, really displaying common sense that is quite rare among most people their age. Once, one of their parents (I don't remember which girl's parents), hired some local rowdies (paid hoods) to threaten and frighten them into returning back. Their response was the epitome of calm and level-headedness. These girls aren't stupid, they have a lot of friends, friends who had connections they weren't afraid to use. They lodged a police complaint for eve-teasing and sexual harassment against the rowdies, I'm sure they even purposefully exaggerated their fear. The police here take eve teasing complaints rather seriously, and if the complainants pass along a bit of cash and also happen to have some friends in high places, then, end of story. The girls haven't had any trouble since.

Well, the reason I am writing this post is that the both of them decided to take their relationship to the next logical step: start a family of their own. They already live together, and now they have adopted a baby from one of the orphanages around the city, that too, a very cute baby girl. Its a good thing that they didn't go for all that 'I want a baby with your genes' crap and instead gave a life to an abandoned child who needed a loving family. Now, they really are a beautiful family, in the most literal sense. Both the girls are exceptionally beautiful, and the new baby girl, they've named her Ramya, is also extraordinarily beautiful, even as beautiful as all babies go. This has put to rest the doubts of many people, even mine, that the girls will eventually succumb to societal norms and family pressure and split up. Furthermore, to cement the bonds of their spanking new family, they are planning to buy a house in one of those posh townships that are cropping up all over suburban Chennai.

Truly girls, you continue to amaze me!

I wonder:
The law against homosexuality, Art. 377 of the Indian Penal Code (enacted by the Victorian British in the 1890s), prohibits acts against "the order of nature." But the law states that such acts require "penetration". I may be wrong, but isn't there a loophole here? Lesbians technically cannot penetrate anything naturally (tools and aids didn't figure into the legal picture), so shouldn't they be exempt according to the law as it is currently worded?

You know, I am not the kind of person one should come to for relationship advice. Relationships require a lot of patience and understanding, and definitely a lot of holding back. To make things worse, in Indian, particularly the very conservative Tamil Iyer community, committing to a serious relationship can sometimes, actually feel like hell. Now, I'm not blaming all the Tamil Iyers, only some of its people.

A month back, Anand (name is changed), a close friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me, he said he wanted my opinion on something. I don't like to tell people what to do, but Opinions? I have a lot of those to go around. We met up at one of those cafe`s where you can get cups of overpriced-not-anything-really-special coffees and sat down to exchange the usual pleasantries. After a couple of how are yous, and whats up with yous, he told me he wanted some advice. Now, Anand is a decent man with a good job, wonderful family and a really beautiful girlfriend. He is a confident, self-assured person who enjoys life and doesn't take it too seriously. Thats when I realised the only thing he would want my advice was - Oh Shit! Woman Trouble!

As I said before, Anand has a really great, beautiful girlfriend and they have been together for at least a year now. I personally know the girl, she is really good looking, very friendly, and she adores him a lot. And they both seemed very happy with each other. You ask then what the hell is the problem?

The problem is, Sex. They haven't had sex with each other since they have been together, and I know as a matter of fact that the girl hasn't had sex, ever. Yeah, she still maintains a death grip on her virginity.

The thing about Anand is, he is a pretty normal guy who wants sex just like any healthy person does. And he figures, since he and his girlfriend have been together for a whole year, he is entitled to have sex with her, with her consent, of course! The problem is, the girl is a bit narrow minded about sex, what am I talking about? The girl is very narrow minded about sex, she is somewhat a prude and she has made it clear to him that she doesn't want to lose her 'virginity' before marriage. What the hell?

You might say that you have to respect the girl's wishes, its her choice whether to engage in sex or not and that no one has any right to comment on it. I would agree, but for the fact that the girl isn't alone, she is in a serious, committed relationship with a good, healthy male who has had a very active sex life before she came into his life. She says she'll engage in sex only after marriage, she is rock firm on that, and Anand says he is not ready for marriage, he wants to secure his finances somewhat before even thinking about marriage, and that may take a couple of years. He tells me he can't take it anymore, he can't deny himself and be celibate for another two or three years. And now he asks me whether he should be in this relationship anymore.

Oh Shit....What do I say now?

I am of the belief that sex is a natural function of life, if you want to have sex, and you have a willing partner, then by all means, just do it already. And I definitely think that when it come to sex, you shouldn't deny yourself, you just go at it as often as your libido wants it.

Coming back to Anand's predicament. Now, I know him very well, if he is in a relationship, he commits to it a 100%. He wouldn't stray out of it, he wouldn't cheat his partner, no matter the circumstances. But he likes sex too, he craves for the physical intimacy that sex provides. So when he asked me whether he should continue his relationship with this girl who he really likes, but who wouldn't give him what he feels he deserves, what do you think I said?

I told him if I were in his situation, I would give her an ultimatum. I would ask her, in no uncertain terms, to either break her stance on her totally unreasonable, not to say, really idiotic decision of 'No Sex before Marriage' or break off the relationship. And I told him it wouldn't be bad on his part if he breaks it off on account of this reason.

I ran into Anand again, last saturday, at a friend's party and I am pleased to say he introduced me to his new girlfriend, great catch I must say. He looked happy, he looked satisfied.

yours truly, The RA

Long time huh ?

Well, this week has turned up some rather very interesting turn of events, for me at least. You see, I have not come in close contact with something like this in person, I have only seen it in movies, read about them in magazines, newspapers etc. But to come in personal contact with something like this is...............heartening.

There is this woman named as Lavanya* with whom I have had the pleasure of being a friend. I have known her for only some time now, but my respect for her has grown by leaps and bounds. And that is something that the people who know me will say "You're kidding". Because I give my respect to those who deserve it, and it doesn't come with money, power or age or anything like that. The only factor is the measure of their actions.

Alrite, let us get back to the story.
This woman Lavanya, is someone that one would call as "A rising star". I mean, she has everything going for her, she is beautiful, sexy, smart, funny and a complete roit to be around with. She belongs to a respectable "Brahmin" family, loads of money, a big joint family that absolutely dotes on her. Now, as expected, her parents started to look for suitable alliances for their "Darling Princess", and as expected she had quite a lot of them. You know, the usual, the Handsome, Good mannered NRI who is swimming in money and also the Successful Iyer boys back here. Yada yada yada, the usual story.

But therein lies the twist. This girl, Lavanya rejected every one of them and declared to her parents that she was not interested in marriage. Now, her parents are a bit liberal-minded and said they would accept anyone that she probably was in love with. But, she relayed that she wasn't in love, she just was not interested in being somebody's wife. They kept pressing her for the reason that she didn't want to get married. And the reason that she said literally gave them heart attacks.

Lavanya, is Homosexual. Yes, she is a lesbian. Her family, naturally, was in denial. They thought she was out of her mind, and tried to change her mind, saying that it's not true, that she's just thinking that she is. Then they started to bully her into marriage, telling her that it is wrong, that homosexuals are perverts, and all that stuff. Come on people, grow up. They even blackmailed her that the family honor would be shattered, that they would commit suicide, that they wouldn't give her any property etc, if she did not acede to marriage. But, for once, a woman stood her ground and was strong enough to stay true to herself. She was a mature woman who was confident about herself and her own sexuality. And you know what she did ?

She walked out on her family. She is now living in with her girlfriend, they rented out a separate apartment. The thing is, the other woman, Aparna* is also from a conservative Brahmin family, and she too experienced the same animosity from her family and her community. As far as I know them, the two of them wouldn't give a damn about what anyone thinks of them. As far as they are concerned, they have good jobs, a good home.......and each other. They are now living happily together, and also thinking of adopting a child in the future.

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't know many people who would do what they did. That too, both hailing from conservative Brahmin families. If this is not courage, then what is. I dont understand why people make such a big deal, why such animosity against Homosexuals. I mean, one's sexuality is one's own business, but still people feel that they have the goddamed right to butt into it, comment on, and dictate terms. I feel disgusted by these so called "normal people" and would gladly tell them where they can go. Well, Lavanya & Aparna, I have the greatest respect and admiration for you guys and I wish you a wonderful life together.

GODSPEED........and good luck

yours truly, The RA

* Names have been changes to protect identities. Not that they need it, but still.